Of Kindness

Kindness is an act of goodness stemming from the inner recesses of the heart and comes out instinctively and spontaneously like spring waters and fruits in season. It needs no reason, nor does it need motivation.

Kindness and the ability to show it when least expected is proof of man's innate goodness and superiority as a specie.

The capacity for kindness requires intellect and high understanding - such as not consciously exercised but is exuded as an aura. It is an embedded program that kicks in at the right moment and at the right instance.

Notice that when you are in a situation where you are about to show kindness, there is always a small inkling of the question, "why?" To give in to the inkling means to hesitate and to debate with oneself on the act's veracity - thus diminishing the value of the act of kindness.

For it to be pure and true and worthwhile, kindness when gushing forth like living waters should not be stemmed, nor shall it be dammed. Let it pour to quench the fire in the world's throat and in the world's belly.

September 18, 2001

It was 11:15 am on a bright Thursday.

He was administering an exam to his History class and only a few of his students were left still taking the test. He was checking the papers as they were submitted to him, not so much as to make good use of his time, but more to find something to do other than check his watch every 30 seconds, willing it to move faster.

Finally, as he was writing the score on the last paper he was checking, he chanced a quick glance at his watch. It was 11:30 am. Any second now, the bell will ring and he'll be free to go.

Moments passed by in almost deliberate slow motion until finally in a blast that shot a fresh injection of adrenaline in his veins, the bell rang.

He quickly gathered his things and cleared his desk, fumbling with the test papers as he went.

He noticed his hand shaking and he sheepishly smiled to himself.

Damn, he was nervous.

He has never felt this giddy since the first time he went out on a date back in high school.

It was a strange but welcome feeling.

He half ran, half walked to the faculty room which was, fortunately, empty. He wasn't exactly in the mood for answering questions why he's heading off in such a hurry and why he has been fidgetty all morning.  Most of his coleagues were probably already in the cafeteria enjoying their lunch and so he quickly, deposited the exam papers on his locker, slammed it shut and headed out.

In 10 minutes flat, he was at the City Hall where his lady love was waiting along with her mother, some family members and a few close friends.

"Did you get the papers?" he asked as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek, kissed her mother's hand and greeted the rest of the group with a bright smile.

"Yes it's already here. Let's go." she answered as she gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

He was about to ask everyone to wait when his "Tatay" arrived just in time. He made the customary introductions and amidst smiles and handshakes, he said, "I think we're all set to go."

They all boarded the jeep his lady love's brother lent them for the day and sped through the streets to the other side of town - the Justice Hall.

"How was the exam?" she attempted at small talk as she slipped her hand between his.

"It was okay. I finished checking the papers already." he replied smiling.

Both fell silent for the next few minutes and the only sound was the roar of the jeep's engine and the drone of conversation of the other passengers with them. They both just looked at their intertwined fingers holding on to each other like life depended on it.

As they both lifted their gaze to each others' face, their eyes met. Their meaningful smiles belied the silence of their lips and they settled on each others warm company for the rest of the trip.

After a few more minutes, they arrived at the Justice Hall.

Everyone alighted and tried their best to straighten their clothes and look their best.

"The judge's office is at the end of the hall. He should already be there waiting for us." he announced to everyone and they took to follow him.

He took her lady's hand and led her inside the hall and they walked hand in hand towards the judge's office while everyone else walked and talked behind them.

True to his words, the judge was already there waiting and he smiled at them amiably as they entered.

"Well, it's almost noon so I guess it'd have to be 'good afternoon'." he said good naturedly as he reached out to shake the elderly man's hand.

"Well, good afternoon to all of you as well." the judge replied with a big smile and added, "Are we all here? Shall we begin?"

Everyone nodded in approval.

He held her hand tightly and she responded by squeezing his hand back as the short and simple ceremony went underway.

And as the judge finished the rites saying, "Well young man, you may kiss your bride!" he looked straight at her eyes and said in the simplest yet most profound way, "I love you" to which she coyly answered, "I love you more".

And they kissed.

Random Thoughts

Attitude affects learning as much as intelligence does. Those who are willing to learn will learn and those who think they know enough are doomed to mediocrity.

The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain.

Perfection lies in being one with nature. Since man is, by nature, imperfect, his perfection then lies in his imperfection.

The biggest mistake that an intelligent person can make is the hasty assumption that he is better than the person next to him.

Man marches for victory. His mind justifies war. Payback must come, thus, leave him back. Tests loom. Cares rise. Be unswayed.

Of Things Out Of Reach

In that movie "Men of Honor" with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Robert De Niro, Cuba's character was asked what made him so determined to succeed in anything he set his mind to, and he said, "Because they told me I couldn't have it..."

That perhaps is the kind of character we need to be cultivating in ourselves.

When things just seem out of reach, outrightly impossible to achieve and when odds simply tell you, "You can't have it", that's the time we should silently recollect and ask ourselves, "How much do I want it?"

And if you want it bad enough, then go get it. as long as it is within the bounds of morality and ethics, then go ahead and get it. Own it. Live it. Enjoy it.

There is a sense of pure joy and victory here; when you're being discouraged right off the bat and you simply shake off the discouragement and set out to accomplish that which they say you cannot have. That's character.

But there simply are things that can not be had - and no measure of determination and character can make you have them.

But then again, sometimes, impossible just takes a little longer.

You just gotta have faith.

The Boss

Once all body parts assembled and decided to elect a boss for the entire body. 

Many parts applied.

The brain said, “I should be the boss because I am the one who thinks, recognizes and makes the decisions”. 

The heart said, “I should be the boss because without my continuous pumping of blood all of you are dead”. 

The eye said, “I give vision, and without vision all of you are as good as dead”. 

The legs said, “I should be the boss because without me you can’t go anywhere”.

Then the asshole also decided to apply. 

All other body parts laughed so hard at the asshole's desire to be the boss.

They could not stop laughing for a long time. 

This made the asshole upset and so he closed up in silent protest.

After a while, the entire body was feeling the effects of the asshole’s rebellion.

Soon the brain clouded up and was no longer as sharp. The eyes blurred and had difficulty focusing. The heart started to palpitate and beat erratically. The legs grew wobbly and did not have enough strength to stand, much less go anywhere.  

They realized the importance of the asshole and so they unanimously decided to make him the boss.

The asshole was so happy, he immediately opened up, let go of all the crap and the body went back to normal.

The moral of the story: 

You don’t have to be a brain to be the boss…

…An asshole can do the job.

Author’s Note: I read this somewhere but I can’t remember where. I just tried to re-tell the story the best I could.

Gift or Curse

I'm not trying to sound like Spider-Man.

I like the guy but I like Superman and Wolverine better.

Anyway, what I'm talking about is my ability to talk to myself in the second person and listen in the third (sometimes even the fourth depending on my psycho-analytic mood).

Although this has been a great help inasmuch as refining my values and analyzing my beliefs are concerned, for the past few months, the revelations I have been uncovering have been becoming more and more disturbing than ever.

In fact, going through it, I usually imagine myself as St. John the Divine as he was being shown the Revelation of Jesus Christ or as Dante as he descended into the rings of his Inferno.

As I go through this process, more and more do I hope and grope for that elusive and non-existent "Reset Button", or better yet, the "Delete Button".

Oftentimes, it is easy to talk about moral, emotional and spiritual restructuring, but it truly is an impossible task when you can't let go of certain things that you need to.

My second person (the ever-dependable confidante, the one I talk to) espouses, I can just concentrate on the things I need to concentrate on such as family and work. He can take care of all other things I am still having an attachment to and I don't need to know or worry about them. Sounds great, except that I would still be privy to whatever he's up to and that knowledge alone is enough to get me off course like a ship with a broken gyroscope and compass and is caught in the middle of a tempest in the high seas.

My third person (the silent but discerning listener, who's also one hell of a bad ass) believes I usually create my own problems by deliberately refusing to let go of past attachments. He says I'm one greedy son of a bitch, wanting everything but refusing to compromise and giving no quarter whatsoever. He's convinced I have sticks the size of Redwoods up my ass and they're up too deep they're poking my medulla oblongata and my hypothalamus - which explains my inexplicable moral-spiritual-emotional attachments and quirks. He recommends I subject myself to a jumbo-sized enema and rectal surgery by none other than Vlad the Impaler.

My fourth person (the one with logic colder than deep-space ice) says the situation is easy. I just need to make a list of things that I don't really need. Emotions should be set aside as well as any kind of attachment when making the list. Once the list is complete, all I need to do is to let go of those things. Leave them behind and move on and never look back. he says, this is my primordial "Reset Button".

Both my second and my third disagree with him because they know that as soon as I follow his advise, all of them would inevitably disappear. My fourth seems unaffected by this prospect. He's for logical solutions and nothing more. This is the reason why my fourth is usually left uninvited during "Introspective Meetings". But somehow, he still manages to be in the loop with everything.

Sometimes I think he's psychic.

Before anyone of you guys get any ideas, I'm not going cuckoo.

Far from it. I've never felt more sane than ever before.

I think it's the rest of the world that's going crazy.

Thursday Bloody Thursday

Last Thursday was an emotional rollercoaster.

The initial “tamer” part of the rollercoaster happened when I went to my daughter’s school's children's party in line with the celebration of Children’s Month.

The party was fine. Despite my daughter throwing a tantrum early in the morning because of a "minor misunderstanding" with her mother regarding her hairstyle, she immediately lightened up as soon as we got to the school and she saw her friends.

They presented a Hawaiian dance and I think it was cute with all their costumes and inability to keep up with the beat. You can see they were having fun though. Some classes presented a variety of other dances and songs. It was fun and I enjoyed it.

When food was served during lunch, I heard some of her classmates complaining about not having enough cake or ice cream or not liking the way the spaghetti tasted or that the spring roll tasted funky or not being able to finish their food after just a few mouthfuls and all.

The usual whining that children at that age usually had.

My daughter was quiet though and tried to finish her food. I have always trained my children to finish their food the best they could. So she tried - in between glances to my direction. 

When she finished, she left half of her serving of chocolate cake which I let slide since my wife actually put a lot of it on her plate.

Overall, the party went okay.

In the afternoon, I joined my officemates to tend to another children's party. 

This time, it was in line with the City Government's own observance of Children's Month. We sponsored a Trick or Treat event for street children.

That's where the "gut-wrenching" part of the rollercoaster began.

When I arrived at the venue, the committee members were getting ready to feed the children. A local restaurant sponsored lunch for the streetchildren consisting of rice, fried chicken, buttered vegetables and a brownie.

It was pandemonium.

The children were rowdy and undisciplined. 

As soon as they saw that we were ready to distribute the food to them, they started yelling and shouting and scrambling to get their share. 

It reminded me of a movie where a wounded man accidentally slipped and fell into a piranha infested pool. Knowing, Hollywood, you probably know how it ended for the poor guy.

Fish food.

After noisily finishing up their food in a split second, the children saw that one of the committee members still had an unopened food pack. As soon as he announced, he's giving the food to whoever was still hungry, he got mobbed!

Huge mistake!

I was half expecting him to lose an arm or half a leg when 60 children lunged at him asking for their share of that one food pack. 

Poor guy in a pool of piranhas.

During the actual trick or treating activity to store owners in the city-owned mall, we got smart and assigned one marshall for every five children. We knew how stubborn these kids can be so we made it as manageable as possible for the marshalls. Before they did their rounds though, the children gave a special presentation. They sang three songs; the City Hymn and a couple other church songs.

It seemed as if the entire mall went silent when they began singing and I felt a small pinch in my heart as I listened.

The songs were sung in acapella. Amidst the dissonant sound and their off-key singing you can hear them actually try to please everyone. With every rise and fall of their small voices and every wave of their skinny arms with the simple choreography I saw, for the briefest moment, a flicker of hope in their young eyes. Hope that there is, somehow, some bright future awaiting them.

I don't easily get moved by these things. But I couldn't help but get glassy-eyed as I watched them sing.

I quickly blinked the threatening dam away and glanced around to make sure no one was watching.

The hypnosis ended as soon as the children finished their songs and started to get excited about all the goodies that'll start filling up their bags.

The rounds were completed without incident.

We fed them dinner afterwards and it was a sequel to their horror story of a lunch. 

Worse even, they started throwing food at each other. One boy even chased a little girl who was making faces at him and gave her a quick right-hook that hit her smack on the kisser - but not before she hurled a left counterpunch that would have put most Mexican boxers to shame.

The rollercoaster ride ended 30-minutes later.

That night, as I was huddled in front of my PC working, I remembered the entire day. It started playing in front of my eyes and right at the computer screen like an old movie.

Just as I was banishing the memory to concentrate on work, my kids came to me and gave me their customary goodnight kisses. My daughter was a bit more tender as she hugged me tight and said, "Love you Papa" before giving me a peck on the cheek.

It was then that the dam broke.

I wanted to rail and rant at the parents of those children we handled earlier in the afternoon. Their irresponsibility and inambition left those poor kids with a future that may be best described by Ninoy Aquino's favorite song - probably their parents' favorite videoke song as well.

From time to time, we get a glimpse of that ever widening chasm between the haves and the have nots. But none is probably more mocking in it's blatant ugly truthfulness as seeing the gap in the faces of young children.

I can, at least, do something about my own children.

But what about the rest?