I was once asked how I knew Myla was the one.
It took me quite a while to answer. In fact, if she knew how long I hesitated before I could give a decisive reply, I'd be spending the rest of my married life sleeping on the couch - and we don't have a couch - just a hard bamboo sofa.
But I digress.
Myla and I didn't have a long courtship. We didn't even go through courtship.
We had known each other since college. She was the first person I saw on our building for my first class the first day of college. She was on that same class - Philosophy 1. Actually, she was in all of my classes because we shared a common course block.
She says I caught her attention when I disagreed on a point in grammar with our English teacher, and fell in love with me the next meeting when our teacher conceded and said I was right (She'll never admit that, of course).
At that time, our relationship didn't go beyond mere friendship. She had boyfriends, I had girlfriends. We both lived our own separate lives all through 4 years of college.
That was until one hastily arranged lunch date about a couple years out of the university.
We had "sizzling bulalo" at a local restaurant. Incidentally, I didn't have a special someone at that time and neither did she. We walked around the city enjoying our easy companionable conversation and eventually ended the day with a simple, "O ano? Tayo na? Tayo na!"
And that was it.
We just went steady for a little over 3 months before we decided to "elope" (which is material for another story - perhaps for the next anniversary)
But I'm wandering off again - which was, ironically, the way my thoughts actually swirled and twirled when I was asked the question at hand.
How did I know for sure that Myla was the one?
I remember thinking, "Is she the prettiest girl I've ever dated?" Nah. "Is she a great cook?" Definitely no. I was (and I'd like to think "am still") way better in the kitchen. "Is she particularly sweet or thoughtful?" Maybe, but I had other relationships before where I was treated like royalty. "Is she smart?" Well, I'm smarter. "Is she good in b... I'd rather not include that here.
For a moment, I didn't know what to answer. And for the smallest few minutes I began to even doubt if I did the right thing of marrying her.
But then, an unexpected memory suddenly surfaced.
It was so far removed from that present situation, even now I wonder how it crept up in my cluttered excuse for a brain.
Then again, maybe it was no accident at all...
...because that's when I realized I was looking at the question wrong.
It's not whether Myla is perfect. It's not whether she's the best of the best of all the girls I've loved before (yes, that's from that Julio Iglesias song).
One can go on in life and say, "This person is the best for me" and then along the way meet someone better. And if that's going to be our criteria for deciding who's best for us, then we'll never find the “right” person.
There's no sense in looking for "the best" because "the best" is, at best, relative.
We'll always meet someone who's better looking, a better cook, a better lover, a better this and a better that.
Your "best" now will only last till you see "better".
The question was not about "why" I knew Myla was the one.
It was about how "I" knew she was the one.
It was not about her. It was about me.
And there, finally, came my firm reply.
I knew Myla was the one because I was willing to care for her and stand by her no matter who she was and no matter who she may become in the future.
If she nagged at me about whatever she felt nagging at me about, I knew I'd fight back, but I'd never leave her because of it.
If she tried to stop me at things I liked doing, I knew I'd argue and defend myself, but I'd give in eventually.
If she starts to insist on doing one thing and I wanted to do another, I knew I'd probably give her a piece of my mind, but I'd, sooner or later, let her have it her way anyway.
If she got to my nerves for her incessant and annoying badgering, I knew I'd snap at her, but I'd apologize afterwards and we'd make up and make love...ly photo albums for our kids... Whew!
If she got sick and couldn't care for herself to the extent that I'd have to carry her to the bathroom and clean her up myself, I'd do it without second thought.
Some people may think that's a bit too melodramatic and all, but I don't care.
It's the truth.
That's what marriage is for me and the moment I realized all these things about Myla and I that afternoon when we decided to throw caution to the wind and just go live together, I knew for sure she's the one.
And she’s been the one for 10 years now – and hopefully, for another 10,000 years more.
:-)
Epilogue:
In case you're wondering what that strange unexpected thought that came to me was, it was a memory I have of when my father died several years earlier after months of painful battle with cancer.
Of all things, I remembered words my mother said amidst tear filled sobs while sitting by her lifeless husband.
"Kahit habambuhay ko na lang syang aalagaan at pagtitiisan sa sakit nya. Basta buhay lang sya."
Doesn't that embody the entire essence of marriage?
It does for me.
Happy 10th Anniversary, Myla.
I love you so much.
